When we talk about adoption, we often focus on the child and the adoptive parents. But the story begins with the birth mother - and her courageous decision to choose adoption. Imagine, just for a moment, how a birth mother might have felt during her pregnancy and what challenges she may have faced. Consider the time, effort, and energy that goes into a birth mother’s adoption journey, and the carefully thought-out decisions along her path – from finding the right adoption agency to choosing an adoptive family that she feels is best for her child. Hearing about adoption from a birth mother’s perspective is important and will help people become more sensitive to their experience. 

Birth Mother Quotes 

Here are some quotes from birth mothers that can help you understand things from their perspective, and offer much-needed encouragement to fellow expectant mothers considering adoption

“The hardest decision I ever had to make was also the most loving” ~ Megan, birth mom 

Don’t assume that adoption is an easy choice – it is often heartbreaking and overwhelming, even when it is made with love and the belief that is the best choice. 

“ If a baby is not a blessing for you right now, let them be a blessing to someone else.” ~ Unknown 

Adoption allows your baby to be a blessing for adoptive parents who dream of having a family of their own. Not only is adoption a priceless gift for the adoptive parents, but it also blesses your child with the opportunity to have a better life and be loved by an expanded family. 

“How was I going to take care of a child?” ~ Sara, birth mom 

It would be a mistake to confuse a lack of ability with a lack of desire – just because someone can’t parent their child doesn’t mean they don’t want to. Not all birth mothers can look after their children – they might be struggling financially and have a lack of support from the birth father, or be navigating other personal challenges that won’t allow them to be healthy, present parents.

Common Feelings Birth Mothers Experience

Birth mothers can feel judged and misunderstood because many people believe that the traditional path of motherhood – raising your child with a spouse – is the only correct path. Even though there are many beautiful paths into and through motherhood, expectations from family and society can be difficult to navigate. Birth mothers may also struggle with their own feelings and beliefs about pregnancy and motherhood – from feeling guilty about choosing adoption to feeling relieved and grateful that there’s a way to give their child a better life. 

Sometimes the language used to discuss adoption is offensive and displays a lack of understanding. People might say things like you’re “giving up” or “giving away” your child, or even refer to the adoptive parents as the “real parents”. Birth mothers aren’t giving up their children and aren’t any less of a real parent for choosing adoption - they are brave parents with their child’s best interests at heart. This lack of sensitivity can be painful for birth mothers, who are doing what they feel is right from a place of unconditional love. 

Feeling isolated and lonely is another common experience for birth mothers, even if they have supportive family members and friends. Although pregnancy and motherhood can be a time of great happiness and transformation, it can also be a time of uncertainty and emotional ups and downs. Just the thought of reaching out to people who may reject them or not understand what they’re going through can be very difficult - which is why adoption agencies and law firms offer adoption counseling and support groups for birth mothers.

Frequently Asked Questions

1What are my options for choosing the adoptive family for my child?
The options for choosing an adoptive family for your child will depend on the type of adoption you choose. If you go through a private adoption agency, you may have the opportunity to review profiles and meet with potential adoptive families before making a decision. If you choose a public adoption agency, you may not have as much control over the selection process. In either case, it's important to discuss your preferences and needs with your adoption professional to ensure that you find the right fit for your child.
2Will I have any say in the type of adoptive family I choose?
Whether or not you have any say in the type of adoptive family you choose will depend on the type of adoption you choose. In a private adoption, you may have more control over the selection process and be able to choose the adoptive family based on your preferences and needs. In a public adoption, the selection process may be more limited, and you may not have as much control over the choice of adoptive family. It's important to discuss your rights and options with your adoption professional to understand what you can expect.


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